ready, aim…..

April 28, 2009

Remember that bullet I wrote about a while back?

The shiny one in the chamber, locked and loaded, the safety off?  Well, the trigger has been pulled. That bullet is smoking, taking off at astonishing speeds.

I got offered a job just outside of Austin, Texas. It is my dream job, an internship in the E.D. of a level one trauma center.  An enormous hospital with a helicopter landing pad and 44 beds just in the E.D. alone!  I’m dreaming of gang fights, rodeo injuries and rattlesnake bites.

I was told this was nearly impossible to do.  To graduate as a new nurse and find a job in a decent E.D. right away.  I made it happen and I’m so goddamn happy about it!  Sure, I know it’ll be beyond stressful.  It will be as if I was thrown headfirst into a large body of water.  I will tread for some time.  I will come close to drowning, but I will be immersed in what really matters to me. I would rather struggle than daintily  dip my toe in the water from the safety of the shore.  It will take a long time, but I’ll be swimming some day.

The excitement of graduating, starting a new job, and moving to strange city have been consuming me.  I’m giddy with anticipation and I find it hard to sleep.  I’m ready to move again, I like the idea of going alone.  I’ve kicked this door wide open!

an offer?…

April 17, 2009

I’m waiting on a call today. A call that will change my course in life. It will either determine that I will stay in Vermont surrounded by familiar faces and people I love. That I will work a decent job (hopefully) and settle down and live with a man, be domestic and secure. Or…

It will send me far away to pursue my dream job. It will unearth my roots that have just started to dig in. It will challenge me on every level. I will be alone (at first). I will have to break some news.

suspended in air…

April 7, 2009

Whirlwind of a week. Haven’t had time to unpack my bags. Clothes, seashells, textbooks and plane ticket receipts strewn about my dirty apartment. I’ve decided that there is no need to clean because I just gave my landlord my notice. I’ll be moving out by the end of May. I have no place lined up, in fact I have no idea which town or city will be my next home. I’m hanging in limbo…. I’ve put so much time and energy into applying for jobs, into finishing school. I’ve given so much thought to all sorts of things. I’ve put all of this ‘out there’ so it has to return. It will return to me, in fact it has already started to.

Picture this, on a cold stormy day I threw bucketfuls of coins into the air. Against the wind, the sleet and gravity they moved upwards, out of sight. Once out of sight they remained suspended for some time. Suspended in air, perhaps until the conditions on earth were optimum, perhaps until all the other appropriate pieces were in place in my life. Now they’ve started to fall down, there’s no fighting gravity or fate, I suppose.